Uneventfully good

I am now quite deeply into the stage of recovery technically known as 'going out of one's head'. I am not a doctor or a physio but I think that is the official term. This is the stage where you begin to doubt that you ever were an actual athlete, let alone raced in the pro ranks. All the voices in your head that express doubt about what you do and why you do it decide to get extra vocal. You see how well your friends are doing and struggle to remember racing so well yourself. Perhaps begin to wonder if you can actually race that well yourself. Should you really have that license? Are you really good enough? Do you deserve it?

You stop looking at social media because most of your friends on there are athletes and every post of them out riding, running and swimming seems to be personally directed at reminding you of all the things you can't do.

All in all, this stage is characterised by the fact that you know there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you can't quite see it yet.

Given the above, I was very keen to have a return to training this morning and that is exactly what I did. It was a nice conservative return to action with 70 minutes on the Kickr. Definitely nothing too exotic. It was a session that was fully controlled by heart rate rather than power, so it was on the easy side, but that is okay though because that is just what I was after.

The session was nice even if its main standout feature was how uneventful it was. At this stage boring, controlled sessions are just what I need. No over-exertion, no over reaching. Just staying within limits and maximising the healing. This session had that in buckets. Winning.

While the session this morning went well but it hasn't really changed my mental state. However, I am hopeful that this is just the first step and that more consistent training will begin to get my head back in the right place. Baby steps.