Fuzzy

I am having a bit of a fuzzy day today. No quite literally, I think I only have one contact lens in, so my world is kind of half blurry. To make matters worse the contact I am missing is from my right eye, which is my worst one. It is kind of amazing that I haven't walked into anything yet, although the day is still young.

My theory was that I had washed the contact out in the shower this morning (I have done it before), but my wife thinks I just didn't put the contact in at all. I do remember putting the left one in, but I don't really remember putting the right one in so it is possible I simply got distracted. I guess I will find out when I get home.

My day is also kind of feeling fuzzy because I am not feeling 100% at the moment. The last couple of days I have been stuck in that strange middle ground where I am not quite feeling sick but I am not feeling 100% well either. Not sure whether to call myself ill or not. Not feeling quite right is about the measure of it. My head is feeling a bit blurry, but that may just be the aforementioned missing contact.

A couple of months ago if I had been starting to feel sick I would have been a roiling mass of conflicted thoughts. Should I rest, should I keep training. If I rest will I prevent the cold getting worse, if I keep training will I make myself sicker. What should I do? What, what, WHAT????

etc.

Now, ready for a nice bit of irony. Are you sitting down? No? Well to be fair it probably isn't a big deal, but perhaps get a chair ready just in case.

Now that I am not training, I am a lot less worried about training while I am sick. Kind of makes sense you say, but actually, it isn't what you think.

When I told my wife I wasn't that phased about getting sick, her response was, 'of course not, you have nothing to train for now so you are happy to rest if you need too'. That is in fact true, but it isn't what I was thinking. In fact what I was feeling was kind of the opposite. Now that I am not training for anything I am much happier to train while I am sick.

Buh?

You see before I was quite obsessed with being sick for as short a time as possible, which meant that if I could preemptively rest, then I would. Sometimes I would rest if I was just a little bit sick in the hope that it would stop me getting a lot sick (it often worked too).

Now that I don't really have anything to lose I am happier to risk getting sicker, because there is also a chance that I won't get sicker and I will simply feel rotten for a couple of days before picking up again. If I get sicker, no big deal, if I don't get sicker. Win. I am pretty happy to take it as it comes. Strange isn't it.

I guess it does make sense, now that I have nothing to lose I am more than happy to risk losing it. Before I had a lot to lose and so I was always mindful of minimising my risk of losing it.

Still, hopefully I don't get sicker.