How do I feel about it?

As race day draws closer for Busselton Ironman, I have been wondering more and more how I will feel about being at the event and not racing. There have been plenty of races during the year that I would have liked to be at, but Busselton has special significance because it was the last race I did and because it is one of our biggest local events. Plus watching a race from afar is one thing, but this will be the first big race I have attended in person. Being present at a race and feeling all the emotions etc that go with it is very different to watching a race on the computer. This will be really be the first attempt I have made at attending a big race as a spectator and I am really not quite sure how it will go.

If you had asked me a last week, or even just a few days ago, I would have said I was fine. I am really enjoying coaching and so I have been able to enjoy the build up to the Ironman by watching friends and members of Front Runner get ready for the big day. Watching their building excitement has been a great way to feel involved in the event, even if it is a bit vicariously.

However, as we get closer to race day and social media gets busier with all the race hype and people really start to get geared up for race day, it is becoming a little bit harder to look forward to the event. There is a certain part of me that can't help but feel like I am missing out, feeling like I should be out there taking part. People joke about FOMO, the feeling of missing out, but it is quite real for me at the moment.

When you are at an event like an Ironman you can't help but feel a little bit special as an athlete. It can be a big intimidating event, but it is also an event that you are a part of and that feels kind of cool. Heading into this year I am very conscious of not being part of it and some of me really wishes that I was. I can't help but wonder if that lack of participation will get in the way of my enjoyment.

Somehow I suspect it won't. I think there will be moments for sure when I wish I was racing, but on the whole I think I will be able to enjoy the event by watching others. I have a few mates racing this weekend who I really want to see succeed. Watching their day unfold will really be the focus on my day and I think I am going to be okay with that.

I guess that is what it is to coach. People talk about coaching being very fulfilling and while I have had bits of that, I haven't yet had many athletes race. I suspect the really fulfilling bit of coaching comes from watching your athletes race and achieve their goals. With that you are able refocus from your internal frustration about not taking part and instead experience external enjoyment from watching others. That is my hope anyway.

If I am able to attend the Ironman on the weekend and feel excitement and enjoyment from watching others rather than simply feeling annoyed and frustrated because it isn't me, then I think that will be quite a step forward for me. The lack of racing is still quite fresh and I am still really coming to terms with it, however, I am hoping this weekend will be an important step in my transition from athlete to coach.

How do I feel about it? Well for now I am apprehensive but excited. I think I can live with that.